Watching My Mother Die of Breast Cancer

"Mom, the doctor just gave me the latest testhouse. It was only when I got home that I would
results." I sat down on her hospital bed, and heldcall her and tell her where the note was that held
her hand while three tubes, pinned to the wallall the clues. When my wife first found out about
above her head extracted a vile brown mixturethis game she said, "Michael, that's so cruel!" My
from her body. "Your breast cancer has returned!"mother absolutely loved it! Sometimes she would
She rested her head back down on the pillow,call me the next day to say that she had stayed
emotionless - not wanting to hurt her son - theup most of the night, because there was still one
messenger.$20 bill she couldn't find.
Watching someone die is a very unpleasantMy mother was rapidly deteriorating. It wasn't a
experience. Being tethered to your dying Motherpleasant site to see a woman who was so active
for four weeks by a 20 foot wire connected toand alive. Driving, taking trips to Branson, Mo. for
buzzers gives new meaning to "umbilical cord."her new found love of Country music.
Several days after delivering the news, theI had to undertake a very unpleasant task. I called
doctor told me that there was not much more hea cousin whom my Mother adored, and asked
could do for her, and he released her byRita if she would help me. I explained to her that I
ambulance to her garden apartment in Newfeared that my Mother may have money hidden
Jersey, where I set up home for the next fouraround the house, and could she please ask her
weeks. She lost the strength to speak or movefor me.
while tethered to the tubes in her body, so IWith hand signals, she led us to the hope chest in
installed a buzzer by her bed that connected to athe corner. Inside was a note that had a series of
wire that ran along the floor, through the livingclues, that led to envelopes, keys to boxes, and
room and then out to the terrace,where itriddles. After a day and a half of following clues
snaked up the leg of my chair,and connected to athat led to loose boards, picture frames, and false
flashing red light that sounded an alert like anbottoms, we had uncoverd over $33,000.00 in
alarm clock. There was only one setting: LOUD. Atcash. I didn't have the nerve, so I asked Rita to
first, the buzzer sent me flying into her room,please ask my Mother if we had found all of it.
until I realized that she was just doing it to keepShe came out of the bedroom with tears running
me on my toes. She couldn't speak, so shedown her face, "Your Mother said to tell you that
gestured to the water glass, tissues, or bed pan.it's for her funeral."
Television, radio, or any loud noise was out of theDuring those four weeks that I sat on the
question. My wife couldn't make it down from ourterrace, jumping at the buzzer as cigar ashes flew
apartment in New York City until the weekend. Inin my face, I reminisced of times gone by; I
need of friends and companions, I invited a caseremember her yelling at police detectives telling
of red wine and a box of cigars to join me in mythem that her saintly son couldn't possibly have
daily death vigil.done that; yelling at Mickey Mantle to look up and
It was only a few short years before, that I hadsay hello to her son (he did), getting me into the
sat on the edge of another hospital bed andbest possible schools; (she had a way with
comforted my 46 year old sister Patricia, whoauthority figures);paying for Mrs. Murphy's broken
was dying of cancer. An hour after I left thewindow; and a very strict code on how to treat
hospital, the doctor called me to say that she hadgirls.(The Nuns in my Catholic High School were
passed away. (God, I trust that you havepretty good at this too!) My mother was also a
forgiven me for all the things I said to You thatvery big fan of Susan B. Anthony. I never knew
night.)who this person was. I assumed she was a movie
On a cool, crisp and sunny day in Septemberstar.
1999, I was on my way to the Pierre Hotel inBreast Cancer is a hideous disease, I was thinking
Manhattan, to interview Nancy Brinker*, theas I drove my Mother's car to the County Seat
founder/president of the Susan G. Komen Breastto file her death certificate. I popped in her
Cancer Foundation, named for her sister who diedfavorite cassette of Garth Brooks and sang along.
of breast cancer at the age of 36.It started to rain very heavily. I gratefully pulled
Nancy is right out of Central Casting. Tall,the car off to the side of the road, as I was
attractive, intelligent, determined and verycrying too hard to safely drive any further. (God,
charming. She was in town to kick off the "RaceI trust you forgive me for the things I said to
for the Cure", one of the most successful fundYou that night)
raising events in the country. We sat at a desk inSo, how do you react to someone's illness?
her suite, and while my tape recorder rolled, IYour little girl comes screaming into the house,
asked her several mundane and routine questions.blood running down her knee, tears streaming
I felt that I was missing a wonderful opportunity.down her face. How many seconds does it take
As she got up to leave for a luncheon in herfor you to jump off the couch? Your pet dog or
honor, hosted by Hillary Rodham Clinton at thecat comes yelping and limping into the room - a
Waldorf Astoria, I caught her at the door, andthorn in it's paw. How long does it take you to
requested one more question: "If you had onejump off the couch? A loved one comes into the
wish for something to take place in the first 10room - she tells you she has breast cancer...I trust
years of the new millenium, what would it be?"I did as well as I could.
"Wow, that's interesting." We returned to theI can't even fathom or pretend to know what
desk and the tape recorder. "I wish that we findmental anguish a woman has to bear when she's
the CAUSE of cancer!"been told she has breast cancer.
There are over 100 types of cancer, so we stillWe have a little over 2 years for Nancy Brinker's
have our work cut out for us. However, Breastwish to come through. Perhaps we can all look
Cancer is a particulary hideous disease, with it'sunder our mattresses and find a dollar or two and
hidden secrets - taunting us to defeat it.send it to our favorite breast cancer charity. And
My mother was a product of the Greatmay God be with every woman and family going
Depression, and had some ingrained habits that stillthrough this ordeal.
prevailed - like hiding money. When my wife and IOctober is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In
visited my Mother for Thanksgiving and St.2007 in the US, an estimated 200,000 women will
Patrick's Day, I would leave a note with clues tobe diagnosed with breast cancer.
find $20 bills that I had hidden all around the