| Many people are afraid to mention the word | | | | before it happens. Explain that side effects like |
| 'cancer' to children. If someone important to your | | | | hair loss, fatigue, and nausea show that the |
| children has cancer, you may not know what to | | | | treatment is working. |
| say. | | | | If your children ask if you're going to die, don't |
| If you or someone else they love has cancer, it's | | | | offer false reassurance. Instead, respond by |
| important to talk with your children soon after the | | | | saying, "I have great doctors who are doing |
| diagnosis to help them understand what's | | | | everything that they can to make me well." If |
| happening and to build trust. If your children know | | | | your cancer is advanced, say," I have great |
| you'll always tell them what's going on, they'll feel | | | | doctors who are doing their best to treat it. I'll let |
| less afraid. Kids feel scared and alone if they are | | | | you know how the treatment goes." |
| told that "everything is fine," because they know | | | | Tips for helping kids copeo It's OK to bring kids to |
| this isn't true. They notice whispering, crying, | | | | doctor visits if they'd like to go. It helps some |
| changes in meal schedules and other household | | | | children to see where you are going to get better. |
| activities. Children have vivid imaginations, and the | | | | Explain what is happening to you. Consider giving |
| things they imagine are even worse than reality. | | | | younger kids a souvenir like tongue depressors or |
| Make sure to have frequent conversations in the | | | | surgical gloves.o If certain days-like chemo |
| days and weeks that follow diagnosis, and | | | | days-are worse than others, consider having a |
| continually reassure your children that you love | | | | special basket of toys/goodies that only comes |
| them. Invite their questions and answer them | | | | out on those days.o Do your best to turn bad |
| honestly. | | | | into good. It won't always work, but it's worth a |
| How to tell your children about a cancer | | | | try. For example, if you can't go to the beach to |
| diagnosis:o Plan what you'll say and have a | | | | play in the sand, play with shaving cream in the |
| supportive adult there with you.o You may want | | | | bathtub instead. |
| to tell older children first (if there's wide difference | | | | What can kids do? |
| in ages). Older kids may want to help you tell the | | | | Letting your children help in some way builds trust |
| younger ones.o Pick a calm time and use a calm | | | | and makes them feel like you're a team, working |
| tone of voice. Tears are OK-yours and theirs.o | | | | together to fight the cancer. Even though they |
| Target the conversation to the age of the child. | | | | can't fix the cancer, kids can make it easier for a |
| Young kids have short attention spans.o Tell them | | | | loved one to cope with it. You can give children |
| good doctors are doing everything they can to | | | | little jobs, like getting water for the patient, that |
| help the person with cancer, whether it's you, | | | | make them feel helpful-but also reassure them |
| your spouse, or a beloved grandparent.o Ask if | | | | that it isn't their job to take care of the patient. |
| they have heard anything about cancer so you | | | | You might suggest that they:o Draw pictures.o |
| can counter misinformation if necessary.o Bring up | | | | Keep their room clean and do chores without too |
| the topic frequently after the initial conversation. | | | | much fussing.o Find quiet ways to play with the |
| Things kids need to know:o They didn't cause the | | | | cancer patient - board games, cards, and |
| cancer, and it isn't their fault (even if they were | | | | coloring.o Consider writing in a diary. |
| mad at mom last week or once said, "I wish you | | | | What can families do? |
| were dead.")o Cancer isn't contagious. You can't | | | | Regular family meetings are a good way to keep |
| get it, no matter how much you kiss or snuggle | | | | everyone informed about what is going on, |
| or hug.o They can still feel happy about things like | | | | answer questions, discuss schedule and chores, |
| baseball season even if your mom or dad has | | | | and build support. As a family you could also:o |
| cancer.o It is normal to wish that things were | | | | Share a snack and do a craft together. Perhaps |
| different than they are.o The doctors are doing | | | | you could write in a family journal or play a board |
| their very best to make you better.o There will | | | | game.o Pray together, if appropriate.o Maintain |
| always be someone there to take care of them.o | | | | hope: For getting better. For having a good day. |
| Whatever they are feeling is fine. | | | | For feeling less afraid.o Make a Hope Tree. Make |
| How to explain what cancer is | | | | a tree-like tabletop structure or picture of a tree. |
| What you say about cancer will vary depending | | | | Write a wish on a paper leaf and attach it to the |
| on the age of your children. With younger kids, | | | | tree. Keep adding wishes/leaves to the tree.o |
| don't get too technical. Tell them that cancer is | | | | Read about cancer. A good book is The Hope |
| something that grows inside the body and isn't | | | | Tree, by Laura Numeroff and Wendy Harpham, |
| supposed to be there. It is kind of like weeds in | | | | MD, in which children talk about cancer.o Even if |
| the garden. There are lots of ways to get rid of | | | | you feel grumpy or tired, expend the extra |
| weeds (pulling, cutting, weed killer) and there are | | | | energy to regularly reassure your children of your |
| lots of ways to treat cancer (surgery, | | | | love for them. |
| chemotherapy, radiation, pills). | | | | The key to helping your children cope with a |
| Explain that sometimes you may be too tired to | | | | cancer diagnosis is to talk to them openly and |
| snuggle or play. This doesn't mean they're upset. | | | | honestly. Let them know they can always come |
| It's normal and natural to feel disappointed if your | | | | to you for support or with questions-and that you |
| parent or grandparent is too tired to play. | | | | love them enough to tell them the truth. |
| If you're going to lose your hair, tell the children | | | | |