| As a cancer victim myself, I have been inundated | | | | hall to see them and he begrudgingly promised to |
| with all sorts of "support" from friends, relatives | | | | bring them "soon". I saw him two more times |
| and others not so familiar. However, my | | | | after that before he brought the boys. His visits |
| husband's reaction to my disease was quite a | | | | were brief and to the point. He was working like a |
| surprise. There are some, for reasons of their | | | | dog so that I could be sick. I cried my heart out |
| own, who cannot cope with the idea that | | | | every night. |
| someone close to them has cancer. Here is my | | | | When I arrived home after my hospital stay, the |
| story: | | | | atmosphere at home was very cold. I pushed |
| Probably the most devastating part of my first | | | | myself to do the things I could do to make life as |
| experience with cancer was the total lack of | | | | normal as I could for the boys, but I was bringing |
| support from my husband. When I learned that I | | | | no money in and hospital bills over and above |
| had bladder cancer at the age of 45, I was totally | | | | what the insurance paid were coming in daily. I |
| shocked. As a mother of three young boys, I felt | | | | tried to find financial "help" through the hospital, |
| that my world had just ended. My husband did | | | | the American Cancer Society and other support |
| not do well with "sickness" and my first concern | | | | groups, but to no avail. I went back to work at a |
| was his reaction. He "supported" me by totally | | | | local Waffle House as soon as I was released |
| ignoring the whole situation. When I got home, | | | | from the doctor. |
| dreading telling him, the phone was ringing. He was | | | | I was scheduled to receive chemo treatments |
| at the local Chevy dealer looking at a new pickup. | | | | every week and had to work that around my |
| He was well aware of my visit to the Urologist | | | | children's schedules as well as my work schedule. |
| for testing, yet what was his first query? | | | | They were in school and most of my treatments |
| He wanted me to come down and look at this | | | | were scheduled to be in the afternoon to coincide |
| wonderful pickup and "help" him make a decision. I | | | | with my first shift job. I would pick up the boys |
| was not happy. We could not afford another car | | | | from school, go to the clinic, have the chemo |
| payment. His job as a brick mason's helper was | | | | injected directly into my bladder and rush home ( |
| dependent on the weather and I was working, | | | | about thirty minutes away) so I could lay on each |
| basically to pay for groceries. I told him that I | | | | side for thirty minutes for the chemo to flush the |
| could help him with the decision without even | | | | bladder. Then, I had to "schedule" my urination |
| coming down there. I then told him that the | | | | within three hours of my treatment. All this while |
| doctor found cancer and that I was scheduled for | | | | being a mother to three boys, ages 5, 7 and 9 |
| surgery in two weeks and would not be able to | | | | with no family support at all. One day when I had |
| help him pay for a new vehicle. His reply, after a | | | | my treatment, my seven year old was |
| brief silence, was, " Come down anyway. I really | | | | complaining of a stomach ache when I picked him |
| like this pickup. " I went to the Chevy house, | | | | up from school. We drove to the clinic and I could |
| agreed that the pickup was nice, but again said | | | | tell he was really not feeling well. When I came |
| that I would not be able to help him pay for it | | | | out from the treatment, he was laying in the |
| because I had bladder cancer and would be out of | | | | waiting room chair and looked awful. With the help |
| commission indefinitely. He bought the pickup and | | | | of his older brother, I got him to the car and we |
| said nothing about my cancer. | | | | hardly got out of the parking lot, when he began |
| When we got home, he had an" I could care less | | | | throwing up all over the car. So much for |
| about your problem" attitude and bragged that he | | | | speeding home to do my ritual. I stopped at the |
| had had a serious operation on his appendix when | | | | nearest station and got him and the car cleaned |
| he was 14 and was right back to work in two | | | | up and took care of him for the rest of the |
| days. A 6 week recovery period for my surgery | | | | evening. My husband came home tired and |
| was ridiculous in his estimation. I was still trying to | | | | exhausted from a grueling day at work and ate |
| wrap my mind around everything that was | | | | and went to bed. |
| happening. I couldn't believe his response, so | | | | Those were very hard times for us. Before my |
| "vented" to my friend....his bosses wife. She was | | | | chemo treatments started, I had two more |
| sympathetic, but had a jerk for a husband herself | | | | surgeries in less than six months. The last surgery |
| and was raising four children, so couldn't be of | | | | was done without the benefit of insurance. |
| much support to me, other than lending an ear to | | | | Because our insurance was with a very small |
| my grief. She did offer to help with the children | | | | group, the rates tripled and no one in the group |
| through my hospital stay,which I gratefully | | | | could afford them. My multiple surgeries, coupled |
| accepted. Both types of support were a welcome | | | | with my husband's bosses bypass surgery drove |
| relief, but in no way substituted for the support I | | | | the monthly premiums to a cost that was not |
| desperately needed from my husband. We had | | | | tolerable for anyone.. So, the money problems |
| just moved into the area, some 1200 miles from | | | | added to my misery....and needless to say, was a |
| friends and relatives, so I felt all alone and | | | | real bone of contention with my husband. I was |
| devastated. My co workers were more caring | | | | rejected as to any help with the hospital bills at |
| than my own husband was. They asked daily | | | | every turn. It wasn't until three years later that I |
| about how I felt and assured me that things | | | | found out about a program through the hospital |
| would be okay. The one friend who said that she | | | | that would pay a bill if one qualified. Armed with |
| would keep the boys while I was in the hospital | | | | the name of the program, I went directly to the |
| and recuperating from the surgery became my | | | | hospital after work and applied for it. All my |
| solace . Another real source of comfort was my | | | | hospital related bills qualified for full |
| religion. My strong faith in God and His support, no | | | | payment.....except what was left of my first |
| matter what the outcome, helped me cope | | | | bill....which was not qualified because it was over |
| throughout the whole ordeal. The religious | | | | two years old. I was appalled. I had asked every |
| congregation that I belonged to was a boost for | | | | hospital department I thought should know if |
| me too......but again, the fact that my own husband | | | | there was a program that could "help" with my |
| was reacting to my situation in such a negative | | | | bills and no one offered me any "names". I found |
| way put a great deal of stress on me. I even had | | | | out about the program from a woman who |
| to beg him to actually be at the hospital during | | | | worked with me at a fast food restaurant.! Who |
| my surgery. He felt that he needed to be working | | | | knew that a hamburger flipper had that kind of |
| since I wasn't going to be bringing anything in to | | | | information when the finance department of the |
| support the family. | | | | hospital didn't! What was even more appalling was |
| My doctor believed that I could be out of the | | | | that the program had been in existence for over |
| hospital in two days. Actually he had to "talk" the | | | | thirty years! |
| insurance company into allowing two days for the | | | | My next bout with bladder cancer came nine |
| procedure, which consisted of a resection through | | | | years later and was a much better experience in |
| the urethra.... Imagine my surprise when I woke | | | | the support department. My husband, who at the |
| up from the surgery with my abdomen bandaged. | | | | time of my first bouts was under tremendous |
| During the procedure, my bladder "jumped" into | | | | stress from internal battles of his own as well as |
| the resection tool and a tear occurred. I had to | | | | other problems at work, made a complete |
| be cut opened for the repair to the bladder. My | | | | turnaround in his attitude. This time around he was |
| "two day" stay lasted eight days. My husband | | | | there for me from start to finish and showed |
| came to visit four times. What was really | | | | great concern for my welfare. My three boys |
| disheartening, but at the same time very | | | | were wonderful. My circle of friends grew over |
| heartwarming, was the response from my local | | | | the years and they were all very |
| religious congregation. On the Sunday after my | | | | supportive....fixing meals, and doing chores around |
| surgery on Friday, I had up to fifteen people in | | | | the house for me. My hospital stay was shorter, |
| the room at one time and they streamed in all | | | | only lasting two days, but I came home with a |
| day. All asked where my husband was...I had no | | | | catheter, which proved to be a very painful |
| clue. Finally, at about seven pm, he came and | | | | experience both during its use and after it was |
| acted like a jerk when I complained about his | | | | removed. Then, I developed shingles in a very |
| absence. His comment was, "Do you think that all | | | | inappropriate area of my buttocks. Through all of |
| I have to do is sit in a hospital room with you?" | | | | this, I survived. With or without support from my |
| He actually said that! What had he been doing that | | | | husband, I survived. I have been cancer free for |
| was so important? He had been lifting weights | | | | ten years and counting. My exams have been |
| with his friend, who was his boss. The boys were | | | | few and far between because of money issues, |
| with my friend ,his bosses wife. My entreaty to | | | | but my last exam, this year, was clear. Going |
| him to bring the boys so I could see them was | | | | through any severe illness is not pleasant, but I |
| met with, " I can't do that." They won't allow the | | | | can tell you from experience, that going through it |
| kids up here. " I assured him that I had asked and | | | | with support....especially from your immediate |
| was told I could go to the waiting room down the | | | | family, is much, much easier. |