| A slip of paper with the information below was | | | | the affairs of her church. She prefers to believe |
| handed to me by one of the brave women I had | | | | that she is living with the cancer with gusto and in |
| the pleasure of knowing during the meeting of a | | | | spite of it. She has done a lot to bring about |
| local support group. She said, "Whatever you do, | | | | cancer awareness nationwide. She has even |
| make sure at least one person reads it." | | | | attended fancy parties without a wig. "I try to |
| | | | make at least one person aware per day," she |
| "Of all the cancer related deaths, breast cancer is | | | | said. |
| the second cause of death after lung cancer | | | | The oldest one in the group that day was Paul. |
| among women. This disease strikes the male | | | | Paul was already suffering from skin cancer when |
| population as well. An estimated 40,200 women | | | | the breast cancer was discovered four years ago. |
| will die of breast cancer this year, but many may | | | | He went to see a surgeon in another state |
| be spared by early detection. Some medical | | | | because this surgeon was one of the few |
| providers may be offering low or no cost | | | | doctors around who specialized in male breast |
| mammograms. | | | | cancer. Paul has a wry sense of humor. He |
| Some referrals for information: | | | | described with motions the funny incidents of |
| Y-ME National Breast Cancer Organization 1 800 | | | | himself getting a mammogram and of being pulled |
| 221 2141 | | | | like taffy when almost nothing was there to pull. |
| National Alliance of Breast Cancer Organizations 1 | | | | He said all the bad feelings he had experienced |
| 888 806 2226 | | | | were already finished with "the other C", referring |
| National Cancer Institute 1 800 422 6237 | | | | to his skin cancer. So there was nothing left for |
| Komen Breast Cancer Foundation 1 800 462 9273 | | | | this one. As he put it, he has been through the |
| or 1 800 IM AWARE | | | | "four horsemen": Mastectomy, Chemotherapy, |
| American Cancer Society 1 800 227 2345" | | | | Radiation, Tamoxifen. He felt bad only when he |
| I had asked a friend to ask the group to let me | | | | discovered his wife weeping secretly before the |
| sit in on one of the survivor meetings. When the | | | | mastectomy. He didn't let her know he saw her. |
| group accepted my presence, we met in a | | | | One person in the group suggested that maybe |
| comfortable lounge with five wonderfully vibrant | | | | he should. He said he can't handle that. |
| women and two robust men, all ranging in ages | | | | Paul still cuts his own lawn and fixes things around |
| from twenty-eight to sixty-four who had come | | | | the house but talking to the family about |
| together to talk about their battles of survival and | | | | fears--his or theirs--is not his thing. |
| their innermost feelings. They told me that they | | | | Sheila now believes that breast cancer is not a |
| were twenty-two people but a few couldn't make | | | | death sentence, even though her cousin, who was |
| it to this session. Having two men in a group like | | | | also her best friend, was diagnosed with this |
| this was unusual because men refuse to tell their | | | | terrible disease around the same time as Sheila |
| problems in a group setting, especially about a | | | | was diagnosed. Her cousin is no longer alive. "She |
| disease like breast cancer that is known to be a | | | | always wondered what we did wrong," she |
| women's malady. | | | | remembered. She felt, when her cousin died in a |
| Celia, the first one who spoke, was twenty-four | | | | year and a half, her life had to come to a stop |
| when her cancer was detected. Now, she is forty. | | | | also. She went under extensive counseling |
| She said, her cancer comes back uninvited every | | | | because of it, and she discovered that her family, |
| few years. She is currently under treatment again. | | | | her children, and her life were the most important |
| There were times when she wanted to do away | | | | things. |
| with herself to save her parents the heartache | | | | Nowadays, Sheila sees her battle as a blessing. |
| and trouble. She still has awful nightmares. The | | | | She believes her cousin would be living now if her |
| night before she had a hippopotamus chasing her | | | | cancer had been caught ahead of time. She |
| into a lake filled with milk. Celia is a very bright | | | | volunteers at the clinic in her free time, especially |
| woman. She doesn't easily give in to depression | | | | counseling the newcomers. |
| and has an indomitable spirit. She said what she | | | | When he too was diagnosed, Jonathan, the other |
| tells here to the group, she'd never tell to her | | | | man in the group, had already lost a sister and a |
| family or to her doctors. The group has always | | | | cousin to this "woman's disease". He was furious. |
| understood and respected each other's | | | | He blamed the medical profession, God, his |
| confidence. | | | | mother, his wife, his co-workers, the government, |
| During her first round of treatments, Celia got to | | | | and everybody in existence. After the surgery, |
| know one of the male social workers. It was the | | | | he picked a fight with the doctors accusing them |
| best time in her life, although she looked awful | | | | of not paying enough attention to him. |
| with no hair and an uncontrollable nausea. He | | | | Jonathan still felt that people were more |
| became her lover while she was in treatment. She | | | | compassionate to women with breast cancer. He |
| said, he held her while she vomited, took off from | | | | said he didn't blame them because of the losses in |
| his work to be with her on her bad days, and | | | | his family but nobody knew how to give support |
| waited for her at the door while she was going | | | | to frightened men. "I am not afraid of showing |
| through chemotherapy. As soon as she was given | | | | my feelings on the subject but the medical |
| a clean bill of health, he left her; she was | | | | profession is not ready for men with emotions," |
| devastated. | | | | he said. |
| "Why is it," she asked the group, "Some men love | | | | According to him the best way is what they have |
| women only when they are in despair?" Then she | | | | now, the support group of survivors receiving |
| answered her own question, "Saving the damsel in | | | | encouragement from each other. He said, "There |
| distress syndrome! It inflates the male ego." | | | | would be more men here if we could only get |
| I couldn't help but reflect that this affair had hurt | | | | them to agree to talk about it." |
| Celia more than the illness. Still, she tried to have | | | | The last one of the group and the youngest, |
| a positive attitude and considered herself a | | | | Karen, found a lump while she was in the shower. |
| survivor, even though her cancer had returned | | | | She immediately went to her doctor and asked |
| again. | | | | for a mammogram and an ultrasound. The results |
| Eileen, the bubbliest in the group, was forty-one | | | | were normal. They showed nothing nasty. Both |
| when the cancer was discovered. There was no | | | | the doctor and the radiologist thought that the |
| breast cancer in her family. She was an athlete | | | | lump was fibrocystic. |
| who ran every day and played singles tennis | | | | After a few months, Karen still had the lump. So |
| twice a week. She ate a low-fat diet with | | | | Karen went to see a surgeon on her own. The |
| practically no red meat. Moreover she had a | | | | surgeon also thought that the lump was |
| mammogram done when she was thirty-five and | | | | fibrocystic. After two more months when she |
| then another one when she turned forty. Both | | | | found few more lumps near the original lump, she |
| those mammograms' reports were clean. | | | | forced the surgeon to remove them. On the |
| Fortunately she examined herself frequently. | | | | surgeon's recommendation, she went to have a |
| Several months after her last mammogram she | | | | needle biopsy one early morning. Later that day |
| discovered a lump in her right breast. Three | | | | the pathologist called to inform her that she had |
| months later she went in for a follow up and had | | | | breast cancer. |
| a biopsy. The diagnosis was benign but the doctor | | | | At first Karen cried. She cried until she had no |
| called her back in three months. | | | | more will or strength to even stand up. Then she |
| When she went back, the same spot showed | | | | called her mother. Not wanting to face reality, her |
| some scar tissue. She wasn't afraid because she | | | | mother said, "At your age? What are you trying |
| trusted in her first biopsy. She said, at the time, | | | | to pull?" Karen banged the phone down. That is |
| she had a 'this can't happen to me' attitude. | | | | when her anger surfaced and she promised |
| This time, however, things were very different. | | | | herself that she would fight this tooth and nail. |
| The breast cancer was in her body, but Eileen | | | | She told us that she owed her life to her mother |
| wasn't going to give up. She obtained all the | | | | for making her angry enough. |
| information she could get her hands on. | | | | Later, it was found out that Karen's cancer was |
| She says she went through a wide range of | | | | the aggressive kind. She had to go through |
| feelings. The strongest emotion she felt was | | | | mastectomy plus chemotherapy. |
| anger. She went around the house kicking in the | | | | Karen's doctors are very cautious now. She is |
| doors. | | | | scheduled for a bone scan in a few days. Karen |
| Eileen is one of the lucky ones. She is healthy at | | | | has read practically all the literature on the disease. |
| the moment and has finished her last | | | | She believes in her chances of survival greatly |
| reconstructive surgery. "Thanks to advances in | | | | because of the recent advances in medicine. At |
| medicine, my figure looks better than ever," she | | | | the end, Karen recited a quote from her |
| said jokingly. | | | | notebook, "The journey back is no longer or |
| Martha has raised two children to adulthood after | | | | farther than the forward run." She didn't know |
| her cancer was discovered fourteen years ago. | | | | who said it, but they all agreed it could have been |
| She has a wonderful, supportive, sunshiny attitude | | | | any one of them. |
| and she is a joy to be with. She has just retired | | | | I can't help but admire the bravery of these men |
| from a twenty-five year teaching career. | | | | and women, and not only of these seven but of |
| Martha says she wasn't always like this. She went | | | | those everywhere, fighting with this dreadful |
| through all the emotions and then some. Now, she | | | | disease. The seven I met were radiant, hopeful, |
| is learning to play the guitar, something she | | | | and with spirit. Their courage will always be an |
| yearned for all her life. She is also very active in | | | | inspiration. |